Finding Contentment in Your Marriage


Marriage can be wonderful—a relationship of love and mutual respect, growing older and wiser together, even weathering life’s storms together. But sometimes marriage can be difficult.  You are not in an abusive relationship—in which case you should seek professional help—Richard Carlson, PhD, author of You Can Be Happy No Matter What, maintains that if you learn to be truly content, your relationship will improve. He describes being content as “feeling gratitude, inner peace, satisfaction, and affection for yourself and others.” 
Understanding how your mind works Dr. Carlson describes five principles of psychological functioning. He credits Dr. Rick Suarez and Dr. Roger C. Mills with the formulation of the first four principles, and then adds one more. These five mental functions have profound influence over your state of contentment and are at work right now in your spouse as well. 
1.  Thinking  Your thoughts are a mental function based on years of experience and habit, but they are still just thoughts, not reality. Although your thoughts attempt to interpret reality accurately, they can be full of error and don’t always have to be taken seriously. 
2.  Moods  Your emotions fluctuate: It’s part of being human. When your mood drops, you may interpret reality negatively, but when your mood is high, that same reality looks very different. Knowing this, consider the following actions: ·        Low moods generate a sense of seriousness that may lead you to think you have to fix or change your circumstances. Let the mood lift. If issues still appear, focus on them when your mood is high. 
3.  Separate psychological realities  Your thoughts are shaped by many factors such as your experiences, perceptions, history, habits, moods, and more. Bear this in mind as you reflect on the following: ·        Be completely honest with yourself about the nature and validity of your beliefs. Look for thought habits that make you feel discontented. Here are a few to watch out for: “I must always get my way.” “I must be perfect—so must my spouse.” “I can never be wrong.” “My needs must come first.” “We must always agree on every topic.” “If I feel it, it must be true.” 
4.  Feelings  Your present feelings reflect both your mood level and the nature of your thoughts at the moment, thoughts that may not be an accurate interpretation of reality. Low moods produce negative thoughts that produce feelings such as anger, anxiety, frustration, etc. Consider how this applies to your marriage: ·        Do you feel discontented with your spouse sometimes? That’s normal, of course, but Dr. Carlson gently explains that since your feelings evolve from your thoughts, and your thoughts, in turn, are influenced by your mood, perhaps you should see if a lifted mood eases your discontentment.  
5.  The present moment  Thoughts tend to wander to the past and future. In a low mood, your mind tends to look back to old hurts or worry about future problems, causing negative emotions. Learning to focus on the present moment lets you look more clearly at your present mood level and reality. ·        Practice staying in the present moment when you perceive problems in your marriage. 
Are you ready to improve your marriage?   Join us monthly for our Married to a CEO Chick calls and bring your spouse or significant other along.   Find our how real CEO’s are making marriage work and thriving in business.  

Resources Boundaries in Marriage by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. Zondervan, 2009. You Can Be Happy No Matter What (15th anniversary ed.) by Richard Carlson, PhD. New World Library, 2006. 

- Coach Jenn

In the New...


I love Summer… with birds chirping, trees beginning to dress themselves in green and the smell of crisp morning air and feel of a warm sun, it’s a NEW SEASON!

I know most people talk a lot about seasonal cleaning but I want to focus us today on the NEWNESS of the season and not the DIRT OF THE PAST SEASON.  This is a perfect time to re-evaluate so many areas in your life and I’m going to help coach you on the way to seeing a new spring in your step and newness in a few areas of your life. Here’s a quick list of 4 things I want you to break down over the next 4 weeks and begin to experience NEWNESS!

1.     RELATIONSHIPS and specifically that with your significant other.   Whether married, dating, soon to be hitched you MUST set a focus to see success in this area. Take a moment to write down 3 things you feel are lacking or need improvement in the area of your relationship.  Then write down 3 commitments YOU will make, in the next 4 weeks, to see this improved.  We can only control OUR actions and if you will make a commitment to change I believe you will see great change in this NEW Season.

2.     YOUR HEALTH and more specifically what you are feeding yourself.   Food = Fuel, nothing more and nothing less.   We make food so many things… a reward, a stress reliever, and even a means of occupying our time.  I want you to sit down this week and meal plan… If you’ve never done this before GOOGLE is a great place to find some quick recipes and even pre-done meal plans for healthy eating.   Though exercise is an important part of a healthy living plan 80% of your success in maintaining a healthy weight and improving your overall health starts with your eating.   Plan, Prepare and Improve your Health in this NEW Season.

3.     NEW EXPERIENCES are so important to keep life fresh and interesting.   Summer is a great time to begin a new hobby, create a new routine and travel.   Whether it’s diving into an adult coloring book, going horse-back riding or a day trip to a museum mix it up.   These are the activities that give us time to de-stress and explore new avenues for enjoyment in life.    It is crucial as CEO’s that we keep ourselves in environments that
re-charge and challenge us in ways differing from our business life.   Make plans now by month end that you are doing something NEW!

4.     NEW MONEY feels and smells just as good at this time of year, LOL!   Why not get with your financial adviser or research on your own a high yield savings account online and commit to growing your income.   Is there an opportunity to do a short one time gig and bring in a nice penny to stash for a rainy day.   Think out of the box and do something NEW to grow your income in a new way this season.   As CEO’s we must consistently re-evaluate our income strategy and include new passive and active ways to stabilize our income cycles and future financial planning.

Don’t wait on the next season, take time today to journal how you are going to experience each new season in a new way in these 4 areas.   Here’s to a new season and a new you!

~ Coach Jenn

Social Media Utilization

Excuses. What are excuses? Excuses are reasons or explanations put to defend or justify something. We are now in a place where we cannot make any more excuses. Your social media platforms are waiting for you to make them evolve. Looking for special equipment to give you the glamorous look/vibe can be challenging but I have some ways you can adjust your thinking process. Save your coins and give your pages and photos a whole new professional look. Here are some devices/techniques to help you that you may already have or are in your home.

1. Cell phone- Smartphones are advances every year. Did you know that on some of the 2017-2018 phones have the same photo qualities as some of the expensive camera’s you want to buy? Save your coins. iPhone 8 or the X has portrait mode options that will give you professional head shot quality. Most people are now using phones to get the job done.


2.  If you are looking for a nice background, go in your closets and find a simple curtain, shower curtain, or even white or nude fabric. Simple basic colors such as white, nude, black, or any solid colors pick up really well in a video or photo.


3.  Lastly if the lighting in your home is not the best and natural light is not working in your favor, grab a couple of old lamps that are probably laying around the house and start placing them in front of you or around you to give your photo or video some light. You can adjust as needed.


There are so many techniques you can use right at home without breaking the bank. When you are in a place to invest, you can always upgrade yourself. If you can get the same results by being creative, why not? Now that you have no more excuses and you have 3 great techniques to use, go ahead and start recreating your pages for your business FUTURE.

~Coach Donna